lived to learn to gather

written in december of 2008

i felt you before i saw you. i saw through the haze my town of birth had hastily set. you hate when i wept. i felt the lament, it was my heart, not my head. this was the first time i left it. you can understand how it wasn't easy. you always said you did, because i'd always wonder and ask. i swear each insecurity i held so secure inside my flask. a mental den/unfiltered men. i learned what to expect and what not to expect, and more importantly: what was fair to expect. still, i live in expectancies that haven't made the full blown leap to entitlement.

to learn is to live. we lived together. we learned to live together. well, we were meant to live together, and learning things was a treat. i used to like to treat you like the goblin princess, so fierce and fare. you pierced my soul, my heart, my mind, and left me senseless and unaware of the fact: you are the face i might not stand to see, if not standing there right next to me. now, with blinders off, i can't stand to see you as anything but reluctancy. it's this reluctant sea of honestness that cost us this. i promised/wished to pleiades, "free us, ..please."  the seven sisters feed on both our thoughts. well, we knew the cost was eternal life. we knew that, right? renewed in life. we should have never lived in our old lives. they cursed us both. the lack of changing writhes and contorts it's now forlorn shell, to sort out hell (which, once, was called our wishing well).

a vapid waste

written in 2013

but of course the coarse and worn out skin would give away, evading him.
it's safe as sin but clear as clouds; in fact, her tact would come and bow -
to say a hymn or to sing it out? that's exactly what she is about.
she left the crowd to vapid waste - a rapid chase that ends in place.
it ends in hope that hope can end, and dreams become the lives we're in.
and stars become the girls we chase - what's worse than longing for a long gone face?
what's better than holding the one we choose? Dying for her so as not to lose.
Lying to her - no, don't waste your time. There's no ceilings for this endless sky.
there's no feelings that i haven't felt - no evidence i didn't melt.
when i was young i felt the belt - but now i'm old and hit myself.
it's true, i'm old and haven't stopped -  to settle in the life i bought.
but i meddle with the minds i've caught. there's medals there for those i've lost.
the ones i've lost are the ones i've met. it's cruel - it resembles theft.
it's wrong - it's as though a net was cast over them, atop their heads.

that's a verse to explain my curse. I'm the goblin prince but the kids are worse.
and the princess? No, she don't sing; she's torn....the curse i bore, it hurt her more.
she lives in thorns and feels the prick. she's resentful, and i'm deserving it.
i reserve my wit to bail me out - no doubt, i fall when standing proud.
no doubt, i'm lifted when i'm loud - not gifted, all i do is shout.
the clouds that once could stand my weight - won't wait. i taught them how to hate.
don't wait, it's probably coming late - the gift i bare stays in the shade.

deprecation stays to say a prayer....
i invite it in, bring it to my lair.
it's sings it's notes, they're cool and fair.
it has advice, but it doesn't share.
neither of us mind nor care.

that's a riddle to explain my disease - i'm trapped but i could get out with ease.
but bars bring bars - i guess i'm finally saying it.....
i fight heart to find art and then make it.